|I think cupcakes and confidence should go hand-in-hand.|
If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator - Tim Fargo
Confidence can feel so elusive. It's there and everything is all good one moment, and the next moment something happens that throws you off. At least, that's how it feels to me sometimes. Some people appear to be naturally more confident than others. The rest of us have to build this skill. Because, it is a skill. For a lot of us, confidence is a muscle that needs to be flexed and practiced. Otherwise, it becomes weak and droopy and suddenly we care very much about every person's opinion, even when we know it makes no sense.
I don't know about you. Maybe everything is going great right now. Maybe you have a great job and feel well-liked, or maybe you're one of those amazing people who don't give a damn and can carve out your own place with gusto. January was not one of those months for me. In fact, it was a very vulnerable month. I was in a rut, trying to make decisions, but not actually making any. While this was going on, I was also feeling very awkward and self-conscious about the fact that I have been a few months out of college without a "real career" job yet. I know, job-hunting is a process, and the economy is still getting back on its feet, but that's how I felt. On top of that, in spite of having the most affirming husband in the world, I have been living under a cloud of self-dissatisfaction. Nothing new in the world. But it was all so very pointless and driven by negativity: comparing myself to others, fear, and people-pleasing tendencies. In other words, confidence destroyers.
However, February has been so much better. Such a beautiful month. I have been practicing some new actions, new thoughts, and I have been more inspired and self-accepting. God can always take times of darkness and uncertainty and show us the takeaway message. My first lesson: accepting and appreciating the person I am. This doesn't mean I don't have flaws, but that I can view myself as an intentional sculpture in the works. I have been put here for a reason, and no one else will ever be me. I am irreplaceable. And so are you. That is such an incredible thing to realize. From this foundation, we can move on to do what needs to be done, even if we feel less-than-great one day to the next.
In my next post, I'll list some of the new things I've been doing to blast my dark moods of weakness away. Hint hint, they involve dessert, sweaty bodies, and lingerie, just in time for Valentine's Day! Okay, it's probably not what you think.